KC Antique Mall Mega Haul!

A few months ago, I visited a good friend in Kansas City. We went to this massive antique mall called The Brass Armadillo, and I mean it was the biggest antique-related building of any kind I've ever been to. Even after nearly four hours there, no joke, we'd only covered about 40% of the place.

It's a modern twist on the classic antique mall. Rows upon rows of shelves upon shelves stuffed with knickknacks, some behind locked glass, some out in open booths. If you want something in the cases, you have to press a button for an employee to come get it for you ("This the one?" "No, sorry, the one further back." "Oh gosh, let's see if I can get it without knocking anything over..."). I found out from a cashier that this is a modest chain of stores with locations in Phoenix, KC, Denver, Omaha, and Des Moines. Pretty random.

I'm still not sure how I feel about the Walmart approach to an antique mall. I like my searches to be more independent, a bit more dust and the faintest array of smells layered on top, y'know? Anyway, here's what I found:

The Spuds MacKenzie Key Chain

My keys were sooo boring until I found this guy hiding in a case of beer memorabilia:

I'm choosing to ignore the frat sweater.

My dad worked for Anheuser-Busch when I was a kid, so even though I'm a bit too young to remember the commercials, I always knew about Spuds. Honestly, I bought this as a Christmas gift for my dad at first, but I kinda fell in love. Oops!

Also, did you know Spuds MacKenzie was actually a female bull terrier whose real name was Honey Tree Evil Eye, Evie for short? What kind of name for a dog is that?? Hello???

The Flamingo Margarita Glass

I swear I didn't know I had an obsession with flamingos. It snuck up on me. First, there was that weird flamingo statue I shared in a previous post, then I got a flamingo tattoo, then a neon flamingo sign, and now this:

I can't wait to drink chocolate milk out of this bad boy.

I mean, okay, if you saw this on a shelf for five bucks, you would buy it. It's art, and it's speaking to me. This glass saying, in a Midwestern wine mom voice, that it's five o'clock somewhere. And she's right.

The Jackpot Machine

Feeling lucky? I'm not. I haven't hit the jackpot since I've had this thing:

NOT A GAMING DEVICE

From my very little amount of research, this is a fairly common piggy bank from the...I'm gonna guess the early 90s? I can't figure out how you get the money back out though, and I'm scared to put anything in it. Do you have to win the jackpot? Is this a metaphor for the cruel temptation of a Vegas casino? Eh, either way, it's cute.

The Xena Action Card Thingy

If you've never watched Xena: Warrior Princess, I need you to stop everything and pay for it on Amazon Prime. Or pirate it, because damn the man. I've only watched the first few seasons, but finishing the series is on the top of my goals list for 2025. Cheesy 90s action, snarky female leads, Sapphic undertones, loosely interpreted ancient Greece, Lucy freakin' Lawless. What more could you want?

But enough about the show. Here's this:

Lucy Lawless? More like Lucy Flawless.

You hold it up to the light and tilt it to see an action sequence from a random episode. In this one, Xena whips a couple swords around and bonks a bad guy in the head with one hilt-first. Sweet. Maybe I'll keep my eyes out for the other five...

Last But Not Least, A Spyglass

The coolest item I came away with was definitely this spyglass:

Aarrgghh.

It was only ten bucks, probably because the glass is busted and you can't see anything out of it sadly. It also comes apart pretty easily. But it's real brass, and holding it makes me feel like a pirate.

I looked for the maker's name, a year, something, but I couldn't find anything. The brass indicates it was made anywhere from the late 1700s to the mid 1800s. I would be shocked if a spyglass from the 18th century only cost ten bucks, broken or not, so...maybe mid 1800s? That's a shot in the dark. No matter how old it is, this spyglass is super, super cool. She's anachronistically displayed on my TV stand above the PS4 and the Wii!

There's my haul, y'all! Next time I'll take a breather from the antiques and focus on something else. Maybe a movie list? A book review? We'll see. Thanks for reading, as always!